The recent death by suicide of a 13-year-old boy has gotten a lot of attention in Jackson County.
EDITORIAL: Early intervention on bullying important
Much of the speculation surrounding the incident involves allegations that the boy had been bullied or harassed by peers at school.
We may never know for certain if that’s the case. It’s impossible now to know exactly what was going through the child’s mind, or if there were external factors that led to his death.
But bullying and other forms of harassment are, unfortunately, common among certain peer groups. While some of that is harmless joking — kids being kids — some is pervasive and hard-core physical and verbal abuse.
Ironically, psychologists tell us that it is often the bully and his or her followers that often have serious self-esteem issues. By bullying others, those with low self-esteem feel empowered by tearing down someone perceived to be weaker. If that weaker person also has serious psychological issues, the constant harassment can sometimes lead to tragic outcomes.
Of course, it’s very difficult to see all of this on the surface. Bullies mostly do their work in the dark, away from adults or other figures of authority. And those who receive such abuse are often unwilling to alert adults, fearing they would look weak. Even when adults notice some of these problems, it’s difficult to distinguish the serious problems from normal childhood interactions.
So what should be done about this? Many local schools have tried to address the problem over the years with anti-bullying campaigns. Sometimes, those implode because they are fraught with an excess of political correctness; nevertheless, efforts have been made in many local schools to have victims of bullying come forward.
Perhaps even more important, however, would be for the bystanders of bullying to step forward. Although not directly involved in these events, other children often know of and witness bullying episodes. If those kids could be motivated to alert teachers and other adults, perhaps some of these situations could be stopped early.
There are no simple answers in this problem. But parents and school officials, along with anyone who works with youth groups in churches and other institutions, should be alert to those who bully or who may be the victim of bullies. Early intervention may stop a tragedy from happening later.
We may never know for certain if that’s the case. It’s impossible now to know exactly what was going through the child’s mind, or if there were external factors that led to his death.
But bullying and other forms of harassment are, unfortunately, common among certain peer groups. While some of that is harmless joking — kids being kids — some is pervasive and hard-core physical and verbal abuse.
Ironically, psychologists tell us that it is often the bully and his or her followers that often have serious self-esteem issues. By bullying others, those with low self-esteem feel empowered by tearing down someone perceived to be weaker. If that weaker person also has serious psychological issues, the constant harassment can sometimes lead to tragic outcomes.
Of course, it’s very difficult to see all of this on the surface. Bullies mostly do their work in the dark, away from adults or other figures of authority. And those who receive such abuse are often unwilling to alert adults, fearing they would look weak. Even when adults notice some of these problems, it’s difficult to distinguish the serious problems from normal childhood interactions.
So what should be done about this? Many local schools have tried to address the problem over the years with anti-bullying campaigns. Sometimes, those implode because they are fraught with an excess of political correctness; nevertheless, efforts have been made in many local schools to have victims of bullying come forward.
Perhaps even more important, however, would be for the bystanders of bullying to step forward. Although not directly involved in these events, other children often know of and witness bullying episodes. If those kids could be motivated to alert teachers and other adults, perhaps some of these situations could be stopped early.
There are no simple answers in this problem. But parents and school officials, along with anyone who works with youth groups in churches and other institutions, should be alert to those who bully or who may be the victim of bullies. Early intervention may stop a tragedy from happening later.
For years I have tried to educate this community and ask for help but received very little.
Things are so bad that now even Christian students and even well loved, "team player", athletes have asked my child to commit suicide!
I have been in town here and kids will bully my child with their parents sitting right beside them? My child is even bullied at some churches!
Parents wake up. Telling kids to commit suicide is NOT acceptable.
My child cannot even own anything or even take a coat to school as the other students rob him constantly. They even steal his library and schoolbooks! He has good grades and is an avid reader. While the bullies have no respect for books.......
Parents and teachers need to stop turning a blind eye to this.
I have had other parents witness daily bullying then to just have the teacher says, "oh that could never happen in my classroom".
It's just an excuse to look away.
I have to give credit to the middle and high school, as they do really seem to care about bullying. However, even there, bullies are smart and know how to work the system. They make sure there are no witnesses around. Luckily in middle school and especially high, these bullies end up having other misbehaviors and eventually get caught.
Life catches up to the bullies while thankfully my child blossomed.
I don't think the school system realizes how many years it takes for Karma to kick in and deal with the bullies. Why should we have to wait for karma? Let's do something in the beginning from a team approach.
Every year, and every teacher that looks away gives the bully more power for the next year. Most of our nightmare started at 5th grade and just built from there. I can't help but wonder how much nicer life would have been had it been nipped then?
Things started with one bully, then they all caught onto group bullying and it went from bad to awful.
I would like to thank the middle and high school teacher mentors and church leaders who reached out to my child and enjoyed teaching him.
You are my angels and I suspect you reach out to way more kids than mine. I am also thankful for the bullies who have matured, and now desire to be friends with my child. I pray the other bullies and their parents follow your example.
Thankfully my child is surviving this, but it's still a daily nightmare and some days he just comes home so beaten down.........
Severe bullying effects the entire family and effects how you are apart of the community.
I ask all of our citizens to step up and be mentors. Let's change this!
You can make a difference in the life of a child and maybe even save a life! How many deaths will it take?
I wish I had a website link to accurately cite these numbers, but I am just going to have to trust my memory on this one. I remember hearing the results 10 years ago or so of a study completed by Columbia University (probably during the 1990's). The results had a very low standard deviation (good data).
They determinded that:
(1) 30% of children living with single mothers may struggle with risky (drugs, promescuity), and violent behaviors.
(2) Sixty-seven percent (67%) of children who have a poor to fair relationship with their fathers struggle with risky and violent behaviors.
(3) Ninety-four (94%) of children who have GOOD to EXCELLENT relationships with their fathers ABSTAIN from risky and violent behaviors.
I thought those to be fascinating results, and I hope I have the numbers at least close to "ball park accurate."
My personal experience working with children in many different arenas (schools, camps, sports, churches, etc.) showed me that kids with great dads often were happier, more confident, and much less prone to disruptive behavioral issues ... including bullying.
We know this from the behavior the parents exhibit.
Societies rules simply elude them.
The schools need to assist the community as they are with the student more than the parents. School Admins are not just there for the good times. Part of their job is to deal with juvenile delinquents and everything in between.
We have reported up the chain for several years. We have even involved the police (the days he came home black and blue).
We have reported so many times up the chain that we eventually involved the state and even hired legal assistance.
For reasons we have not been able to determine, some kids are allowed to bully their entire school career. We have given various bully situations much thought and have never came to a clear conclusion. Bottom line, some kids are simply over looked for being bullies.
The entire school seems to be aware of the problem but nothing is ever done?
Our best guess is that the zoo has overrun its keeper.
There are simply too many bullies bullying too many students.
If the staff handled them all, they would literally do nothing else all day.
So........our child gets to suffer...........Lucky us........
My daughter will soon be at KBMS with her class bully. So far, after numerous meetings with the teachers and the counselor, they have determined that everything is my daughters' fault because the bully says so. (Isn't it funny how she intentionally hurts herself, dumps water in her own desk and ruins books, damages her book bags, etc?) Not only is it all her fault for the behavior and punishments, but also the fault of several other girls in the same class who are dealing with the same bully. The counselor even went so far as to suggest that I get "professional" help for my daughter and put her on medication to alter her behavior. So are we supposed to drug an entire classroom to make it more conducive to the bully's liking?
Five years ago we bought a home in Jackson Co. in order to be in a good school system. Now we are stuck because we can't just up and leave our home to change school districts. When are the administrators going to step up and deal with this growing problem? How many more children have to suffer?
This is not reasonable for my college bound child!
It's high time schools stop punishing kids who are bullied.
If you or your child reports the constant bullying you are treated as an outcast.
You have no idea how bad it gets when you are forced to go to the police for help, much less when you hire legal help to stop it.
The kids who get bullied pay the price in so many ways, even financially. No family should have to go into debt from bullying.
Stolen school items, stolen library books, stolen school books, stolen gym uniforms, doctor visits, legal help.....
Public school is supposed to be free and appropriate!
Public School only seems free to the bullies!
I hope more parents will involve the police in these matters.
Our local station was very helpful and willing to find resolution.
I am aware of another robbery/bullying situation where the school refused to help so the parents went to the police. The police went to the bully’s house and retrieved the stolen item!
Parents take notes, pictures and document everything from the time the bullying starts. I have years of documentation and it's amazing to go back and the read the same kids names that are bullying year after year. The days your kid comes home black and blue, take pics and file police reports. When the bullies break bones or cause sprains, cuts, deep bruises, go see the doctor. Document everything.
Parents who are new to bullying need to be extra careful this time of the year too. The bullies seem burn out on school and escalate.
The last few weeks of school are the worst. The bullies will claim that it's the end of the year and they can escape punishment or that they are moving away over the summer. Our son, for a few years, had to miss the last few days of school because the bullies planned to permanently injure him. It's sad that my son did not get to enjoy the last days of school and all the festivities.
Parents of kids who are bullied also need to get educated on the school tactics to avoid the issue. A local family told me that the school claims there are video systems to protect our kids but reality is, some of these monitors are not even plugged in. We need working cameras, adults paying attention and any number of other interventions. Parents need to know that there are many places at school where they are no cameras and no adults present. Bullies know this. Our entire family was harassed so bad at car riders one year that we considered filming it each day. This was happening by the front door of the school. Recently 2 new tough guys at our school system decided to "jump" some students. My son was one of them. They planned the entire thing out in front of witnesses. Sure enough, at car riders, at the high school, they attacked my son. Neither of the boys were punished as "there were no witnesses". It did not matter that the planned attack was witnessed during class time.
I hope parents waiting to pick up their children will speak up if they see kids being attacked. I watched a special needs boy be bullied for weeks at car riders. Each day a gang of bullies showed up and started in on the child. The child never started anything and was unable to defend himself. Surely I am not the only parent to witness this each day? I reported the issue.
I honestly believe the school systems have thrown their hand in the air and given up.
I hope the parents of bullied children will help warn other parents. There are various places to do this online via school rating sites such as http://www.greatschools.org/.
Parents in my area and quite aware of the downsides (bullying) and the upsides (too many to get into here) to our system.
However new parents do not have this information and it would help them to read about a school. I am in the city but I am told that the county does not want parents congregating and discussing school problems. I am told that this is based on future legal risk as a group of parents did sue the system and won not that many years back.
That lawsuit was not based on bullying per say but did effect the school staff nonetheless. I hope more parents will gather and discuss school problems anyway. They can divide you on school property but they can't stop you from meeting outside the school.
If the school's wont stand up to the bullies, then others will need to step up and do it.
One child was bullied even after she was dead.
http://www.blogher.com/nine-teens-charged-bullying-death-phoebe-prince
Or Google Phoebe Prince and Carl Walker.
I would NOT be surprised if a death happened on this leaders watch. I highly doubt even a death would change this persons leaderships skills or views.
Many could share more but we would be sued/blackballed/outcasted/careers ruined for letting out JC secrets.
THERE ARE TOO MANY SECRETS IN JACKSON COUNTY SCHOOLS!
Too many people intimidated or bullied into silence.
If parents knew what goes on they would withdraw their kids tomorrow.
I was given a warning when I went to register my child at EJES... the sign outside the school talking about the campus be a no-bullying school. That was HORSE-MANURE! I should have run back to the county we came from...where these actions are NOT tolerated by anyone(especially the teachers children!).
Now since we are STUCK in this county, my child has to endure sexual comments and advances, stealing, foul language and poor choices for friends! Someone should let people moving into this county know what they are in for, I would not recommend moving out here to ANYONE!!!
(This is exactly why I don't understand our system. If they can be so great at everything else, and they are, then why can't we squash this too? )
Also our system has angels (mentors) within each grade level that really do try to reach out and help.
As unhappy as I am with the bullying, I can still say our school has a LOT to offer. You sort of have to hold 2 thoughts at once on this one.
I would rather have mostly positive and a little negative, than all negative.
I hope that you will consider that as an option.
3 will face arraignment today.
Some locals there feel school personnel should step down.
One parent said he liked the staff "as people" but not as administrators. I bet in the future the staff will actually be held accountable, especially if their is a trail of evidence.
One of the students is a popular football player.
Thursday 3 more girls will be arraigned in juvenile court. I believe there are 3 more girls after that.
This will be a long drawn out process till trial but I hope we all watch closely.
One of the girls is being arraigned with criminal harassment charges and violation of civil rights.
The media coverage shows something very valuable.
Good well liked kids sometimes bully.
Good well liked administrators something fail to act.
http://www.bullycide.org/
The elite bully has power over kids, and even staff!
The show is showing that bullying is not just overt acts it's also chronic aggressive exclusion .
Arranging for an entire school lunch table to stand and leave the victim sitting alone. Bullying other kids and not allowing them to sit with the victim. Bullying the victims friends and threatening them if they are friends with the victim.
They are forcing the victim to spend school alone.
Bullying is so much more than a troubled kids from the wrong side of the track lashing out. A lot of bullies are from the right side of the tracks!
It was a very hot afternoon in May with only two weeks left in the school year when while crossing the railroad tracks behind Colonial Plaza, a route I had now chosen so as to mix it up a bit and keep the bully guessing as to my travels, that I was confronted by the cigarette smoking, muscle bound bully I had feared for several months. I remember clearly the feeling in my stomache as I realized I had been spotted. I tried to look away in hopes that he would not recognize me. I began to prey that God would help me, I was so scared! I guess I hoped he would become interested in something else. He didn't. I began to shake so severly I couldn't walk straight, but I kept saying, "Oh God, please help me, please help me." I had never been in a fight and certainly possessed no inclination to strike another person or cause them harm. I started to cry but quickly overcame that as I was not going to allow him the pleasure of seeing me cry. I told myself I would run when he got close and worry about the repercussions later but something inside stopped me.
I read this story with a very unique interest. I remember that May afternoon as if it was yesterday however it was over 40 years ago now. I had no idea what lessons would be learned by the two little boys who were about to encounter this lesson in human essence.
By the time McCall was face to face with me I was so terrified I couldn't swallow. Quietly, I was still praying to myself that something would intervene and save me. I was literally gagging for air and sweating. He said something to me, I forget what, some intimidating remark I'm sure and then I saw that look in his eye. It was a strange look to me, it spoke to me, as if to say, Here I come!" I remember reacting as I ducked away from the punch he threw at me and then it happened. I balled my fist up and swung as hard as I could. It was impulse, I didn;t even think about it, it just happened. I felt the connection when my fist buried itself into a crease between his nose and his eye socket. His head snapped around and he folded like a paper airplane floating it's last three bobs before nosing down to the ground, and he lay motionless in front of me, a half burned cigarette still smoking at his feet. His two pals came over and helped revive him and stand him up. He was crying and his nose was bleeding. I tore a piece of my shirt off and handed it to one of the guys to soak up the blood off of his nose. I was still shaking and my stomache felt like it was trying to come up my throat. The other two kids didn;t even look at me.
I can't recall exactly what I thought at that very moment other than knowing I would be able to walk a normal three block trek home from school from now on. I must say that was in itself a good feeling because my favorite cartoons came on at 3:30 and Dark Shadows at 4:00, which I didn't like missing the first ten minutes of due to my almost 1 mile trek.
I say this carefully to any children who may read this article. I am not advocating violence in any fashion. I am simply saying that sometimes standing your ground IS ok. In the world we live in today there are those who live in denial of realistic things that happen to us in our daily lives. We'd like for the world to be a kindler and gentler place, but sometimes it isn't. I tried turning the other cheek to that bully many times with no success. I tried waiting him out as well to see if he would stop but when confronted I guess I figured that it would be better to defend myself. Through all of my fear came a moment of strength when I was able to overcome that fear momentarily and fend off that bully. I can;t say that it always goes that way but I do know from many more years of life and observation of bullies that they prey on the fear they are able to instill. Most have only picked trouble with weaker people anyway and have never been challenged much. This I know is true! When someone tries to take something from you that is yours, tell them No! They can;t have it. When they persist, tell someone in confidence what they have done and see they are held accountable. My final suggestion however is to show that you WILL stand up for yourself in the end and you will find much less difficulty. Bullies are weak, degenerated and feeble people who once stripped of the real thing they seek, won;t show you much in the way of aggression I promise.
If you are a bully type, go and look at yourself in the mirror for a moment. Look deep into your own eyes and know that you are a coward, the kind that runs in battle and you know it! If you don;t my friend you might find that little guy you are picking on might start with you as his way of breaking out of his fear. You are setting yourself up to get embarrased when that little guy you are picking on whallops you in the eye socket and makes you the laughing stock of school and the neighborhood.
As for Mike McCall, he and I became somewhat of friends later, not close mind you but he didn;t pick on me anymore which is all I wanted. He admitted to me years afterward that the worst part of it all was being beat up by a second grader ( he was actually two years older than me )
Many years later as I was waiting for my Semi-Final match with Lt.Chuck Dozier to begin at the US Navy Ameteur Boxing Trials to begin, in Arlington, Va, I thought of Mike, and I thanked him and thanked God for the strength to overcome that adverse moment that had confronted me while a little fellow in Brookhaven. I wasn't as fortunate that afternoon however as I lost my bout but I was never scared when confronted again by bullies.
The world is full of people who will attempt to prey on weakness or vulnerability. The man who comes to the aid of another is rewarded with a feeling far richer than that of a cowardly bully. What good has he done? Take the Lord Jesus Christ for example. He was not a small guy mind you. Quite stout actually yet gentle and kind. He was a warrior of sorts and mustered his peaceful influence at every opportunity. He feared nothing, no man, faced adversity we can't imagine and got throught it until a time when he chose not to so as to demonstrate for us all his willingness to die for all sin. He was, is and can be a wonderful partner to you if you are in need, such as in dealing with the situation of a bully.
http://www.onlineathens.com/stories/040610/new_602462587.shtml
This is a step in the right direction. However, be warned Barrow County, Bullies often falsely accuse their victims to attempt to manipulate such policies.
My sons bullies have drug him in girls bathrooms and or closets, locked him in, almost breaking his arms in the process, then reported him for being in those rooms!
They have also been known to shout out at any given moment "so and so did so and so".....
They are triangulating the teacher and using them to bully.
We need laws, classroom procedures and more. One year my son got his first zeros, because the bullies went into the teachers box and stole his work each week. The teacher had a "no excuse policy" and the stolen work- zeros remained.
My son never before, nor after that class ever got a zero. He has good grades actually. This no excuse policy was supposed to prepare the students for the next level of schooling but the new school had no such policy. Stolen work never happens there because bullies don't share a box for turned in work.
Such small changes like dumping this box would make a huge difference. Same with gym uniforms. The bully steals your uniforms faster than the parents can buy new ones. Then the coach gives you a bad grade because you don't have on the uniform!?
The uniforms were stolen in the following manner.
The students are undressing and a group of boys run up and take the clothes. Somehow they work as a team and the clothes are never seen again, even though they are labeled.
It's the big things and the little things that we need to change.
This young man had Aspergers. The parents are now suing the system.
My son is called gay so many times a day here that we literally could never keep count. Not only do the kids call him gay, they spread this rumor around, tell others to avoid him because he's gay, and they even concoct gay stories and tell them about my son, right in front of him. They have even created artwork depicting this and showing it around the school.
Here is more info on the boy that lost his life to this.
http://www.projectqatlanta.com/news_articles/view/anti-gay_bullying_cited_in_georgia_teens_suicide?gid=5125
My son runs into the gym daily and silently to avoid the kids beating him to the ground or placing him in trash cans, while the other kids laugh. If the bully is not bullying for some reason each day, the other students encourage the bully to start.
Friday the bully asked my son for his belt, when my son refused the bully counted down. At count down he got the belt and acted like he was going to whip my son. The bully then leaves the kids to go home. The other kids tell my son "oh he almost whipped you!".
One of the kids then ran and got the bully back.
The bully comes in, takes the belt, places it around my son and made a noose, and then runs with my son being dragged around in the noose.
I will of course be there Monday Morning, the minute the office opens.
However, I am afraid the typical response will be "well there were no witness do we can't do anything". As usual there will be an investigation, and as usual the bystanders will lie for the bully. Bullying my son is their form of entertainment and they will lie to cover up what’s been going on since Jan.
This bully often chokeholds my son so long that my son sees start and starts to black out. The boy is so big and so much older, that my son has been terrified to report anything to adults. Every time my son asks for help the bullying gets worse and no punishment ever comes to the bullies.
We are also filing a police report on this one as well.
I want city parents to know that this is a gym full of boys encouraging this and the few that are not are present but do nothing to help.
The administrators did absolutely NOTHING to protect my child, repeatedly took the bullies side and did nothing to discipline the bullies. She did NOTHING to deserve the bullying, she was merely trying to get her education without harrassment.
The administrators turn a "blind eye" to the bullies, they don't want to admit that they don't know how to handle them.
I'm SURE this mentality still exists today in Jackson County schools. There is no reason for the "old guard" to change their ways.
There were 2 instances at JCCHS where the bullies parents were invited to have a conference with the administrators, in which my daughter was present, and I was NOT informed or invited to the meetings. Talk about one-sided.
Thankfully my daughter survived Jackson County schools and has done QUITE well in college, she will be transferring from GSC to a very prestigous school in the fall.
We consider it DEVINE RETRIBUTION that most of the girls who bullied her gained 50 pounds, became parents while in their teens, and reached their "POPULARITY PEAK" IN HIGH SCHOOL.
While my daughter is busy creating a career in Space Sciences, they're busy trying to make ends meet on public assistance and wiping poopy bottoms.